Monday, December 14, 2009
I miss talking to my sister, best friend...
Its always nice to talk to Jie, because I do not have to use my brains...
Same goes for Jie, we communicate with our hearts.
It makes life simpler... Makes communication feeling, Makes our thoughts clearer.
It makes me feel like theres one more person besides our Guru,
That we can speak to, using our hearts, and not talking to an empty vessel.
May my Guru Live Happy, Long and Stable life
May my Guru grant blessings to the following;
May my mind be as vast as the universe
May all adverse conditions with its causes and effects be transformed
into Auspicious cause, condition and effect
May all my Loved ones, be watched over by our Guru and all ten directional
Buddhas and Bodhisattva
May we all practice the Dharma to attain enlightenment for the sake of all Mother sentient beings
Om Ah Hung
Sunday, November 01, 2009
My Adventure on the Escape from Home... 
May I Offer this very first gutsy experience I ever had in my whole wide life, to my Guru and Buddha... I am thankful towards Jie, my Brother, Aunty Kl and Uncle Roger who took me in their place when im down and out..
Things that I received from my Dad, a Tight Slap and ten dollars today... A three person gang lashing and some violence in the house... With yet another trauma for Valerie... Who tugged her golden necklace out in exasperation.. Thats how dramatic it can get..
My brother came to my rescue, in accordance with ah jie's immediate advice, I swiftly packed my bags, with all my necessities, school stuff, cosmetics, contact lenses, all my clothings, books, er hu, prayer text and notebooks, dharma books, Dorje and bell.. As swift as it can ever get..
We swiftly proceeded on to hail a cab, and left bukit batok..
With my sister's Bitchiness overriding, she unleashed her inner devil, blocking the hermit's way, and wreaking havoc in the house through words of poison...
With Anger taking over, my father pinned me against the wall with all his might, and swung his hands across my face.. Dragging me out of the room, leaving me hanging like a dead doll..
With feelings of conceit and glee, my grandfather spilled oil to fuel the blazing fire...
All these craziness leads to the leaving of the house of Namdrol Khandro, supposedly a Dakini, whom has not yet become a Dakini, therefore has no influence, poise and wisdom like the dakini to be able to save herself from this "family". More like the Asylum.. whereby the people who lives in it, are mentally and emotionally off balanced..
With a sister whom is lonesome, yet unhappy that her siblings have friends....
A Dad that is poisoned by his self Ego, whom he thinks he knows everything, and tries to control me.. he can try.. try me.. I will allow myself to dissolve before him so that there are no remains left even to be controlled...
A Grandfather who doesn't enjoy peace in the house and fancies good drama, and likes to take up a role in this play..
A Grandma whom is feeling sick, because her mind is... Whom constantly worries for her grandchildren.. whom i know truly cares..
Goodbye house of the asylum... I had enough.. I need a break. I'm enjoying my break away... My freedom... For, I do not belong to anybody, not my parents, nor my family members... Its my own life, I call the shots... I offered my Body, Speech and Mind to my Guru, so I only and willingly belongs to my Guru..
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Hello there,
Today marks the first time I spent full day with him :) I was cringing at first in the morning, leaving my comfort zone wasn't easy at all, thinking about all the good times we have spent, doing spiritual work and bitching around... It was that familiar feeling and the "mo qi" we have that i miss so much. It always excites me to get inspired by what you share with me, it constantly lights me up... maybe now is the time that i share this flame with somebody that is worth it, someone kind, to also enjoy dharma and get inspired...
I never forgotten about awareness... I don't know what to think about, to allow myself to feel more at ease but to carry out my promises.. I just keep applying what i have learnt so far, according to the situations I had with him, the things that i do that you have taught, like doing prayers, i introduced that to him, we did it together...
I felt really happy that he was willing to do it together with me. I can't possibly introduce everything that i've learnt to him in a day, but whatever I feel at the moment he can practice, and also learn, I'll share with him.. I felt I did my best today, and I pray, tomorrow, and the day after and everyday I shall also put in my best in whatever i do.
I'm just afraid that I will feel too comfortable and forget about everything I have promised. I dare not let my guts down. However, at the end of the day, I felt.. If i were to put my best in everything that I do, wont it be more natural? Balance is the key to strike the perfect melody.. Its what I told nigel about his studies... I should also preach what i said when it comes to my practice and my school work.
Today, my little achievement is having done my tutorials for tomorrow, and halfway through for the tutorial of another module... I reached home on time, kept my family members updated. I am picking myself up, from where I have left them... like little shattered pieces of glass, i'm picking up all the pieces, and melting them under heat strong enough, to reshape it...
I have started with little things in my life that I have ignored, that became big things.. to right the wrong. I now pray, to be conditioned and for this to become a habit, to have awareness. With awareness, the sense of responsibility towards my own life, and discipline will come as I take notice of things around me.
*signs that caught my eye*
I saw 2 tibetan monks at commonwealth train station.
I saw a waterfall at novena when i was studying, looking out to the window. It looks like the oracle card that I picked out the other time with you, back then you asked me to explain, and I said, just like water, we will eventually meet up again. Because, you are Thubten Gyatso, ocean of compassion. I felt comforted and found more strength in studying.
Songs in my i-pod kept playing the miley cyrus songs, fan wei qi songs, and those we had good times singing.
About him...
he's always lonely... extremely independent ever since he was able to take care of himself..
Very filial towards his parents, and never resented them for causing him to go through all these loneliness and tough times, all by himself. yet, he wanted to take care of me so much... I couldn't express my feelings for him, it can only be felt. I used to be able to tell jing wei, so many things I felt inside, but nigel is doing all these for me now.
Its not because I don't love him, but somehow the feelings that I have towards him, does not need reassurance through saying out. It can only be felt. How i feel comfortable with him around, how i'm able to share whatever i wanted, how i feel very appreciative for him to treat me right.
Because it just seems like he is another me, so i do not have to say much about how i feel. Feels like he understands me too well, and I understand him too, because we are somewhat exactly the same. It just feels so odd, that we seem to have been together for so long that everything has already been built, the trust, security, love... we just picked up from where we have stopped.
I have nothing more to say for today, may i be able to observe myself even better tomorrow :) Om Ah Hung
May my Guru lead a long and stable life
May my sister fulfill all his commands well
May my boyfriend become the precious son of the Buddha and aspire to become Buddha.
May I be able to carry out my guru's commands, and live up to the expectations of my beloved sister.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Healthy Diet on the go
Finally, Jie and I compromised on a Dieting plan. More like carrying out our commands. Lama instructed me to ask jie to lose weight, or else i'll be answerable =P hahaha! Fastfood be gone, Hello salads =) In 2 weeks time, Jie will lose 6kg, and i'll lose 4kg ;)
Just within a few days of time, Jie and I embarked on a new project- my brother. Jie have a few cases on hand, I would assist him in anyways I can!
Feeling a tinge of confusion now, with my mind deluded and untamed. I want to do my prayers and meditation to calm my mind down, to be grounded by my practice. I am threatened by the delusions that appears like pop-up adverts on the internet, that left my mind scattered because it was wavered by the falsities that manifested.
I need Buddha's antidote to cease the fire of negative thoughts that causes the animals in the forest to go wild in fright. May Buddha's Love, Compassion and Kindness tame the wild animals.
OM AH HUNG
May I request my Guru Lama, whom in reality is already a Buddha, bless us, his disciples with wisdom, calmness and compassion to turn each situation around to become positive. May we have growth and results in our Dharma cultivation to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all
sentient beings.
OM AH HUNG
May ah jie be together with his darling in a month, and may my darling be together with me as soon as ah jie is together with his. May we practice dharma together and spread dharma with our means and beyond, through spiritual, monetary, entertainment and academically.
OM AH HUNG
May I have a sum of money to get myself a new wardrobe and necessities to prepare myself for school, so that I will be able to carry out my Guru's Commands for me with good conditions created. May I also have a sum of money to repay energy exchange for the december thousand armed chenresig retreat.
OM AH HUNG
Sarwa Mangalam, May all be Auspicious.
Lama, I Love You. Jie, I love you too! My future darling, I love you too!
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Have no identity like the Leaf on the tree- Lama Thubten Namdrol Dorje
This is one of my favourite quotes by lama. So wise and clear. Lama I Love you!
This holiday, through the kindness of my Guru and the Triple Gem as well as my teacher and sister Fervin, I am inspired and determined to spend my holidays meaningfully. I want to do more prostrations to the 35 Buddhas, recite more prayers, read the 2 books, attend all teachings by lama, meditate each day for at least 10 minutes, improve my skin to have clear skin and lose some weight and tone up, keeping my body fit and healthy.
I want to shine from inside and out and be a suitable vessel for receiving the Dharma and Sharing dharma and my own experiences, inspire other beings to live life spiritually, inspire them to transform their own lives.
I will be happy reading books, as my wisdom lies in the books, I want to indulge in the dharma books to learn and to feel. I will be happy doing meditation each day, to connect with my own heart and spend time with myself where I used to not be aware of and was unable to do so.
Well, having said so much, its time to allow some rest to my body and giving thanks to my guru, my parents and my body for the good day I had.
May all beings be Happy.
Om Ah Hung
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Title: Love to be unfold
I await for that person to appear in my life, and to stay in my heart. I wish I stay in his heart too. I wish we practice dharma through our Body, Speech and Mind to make this relationship meaningful, to not only think for oneself but to share this Joy and Happiness between us to more beings. With an extra pair of hands, extra help, an extra push, motivation and positivity, we can do much more to spread wonderful teachings of the Buddha to anybody and everybody and carry out activities for many and also to give through our ability and capability to help our Guru benefit other beings.
I pray for you to have good karma and conditions to practice the Dharma, to willingly regard Lama as your Guru, then we will see him as our Guru. As a qualified teacher is hard to come by, and right infront of you is the Buddha that is precious to me, whom I have an ocean of respect for. May you follow me, in this path, towards enlightenment, to liberate oneself for the sake of all other sentient beings.
Om Ah Hung.
Titile: Its been a little tough...
Dear Lama and Mother Tara,
My body finally showed some signs of a human. I have not fallen sick in a long time, despite my lack of sleep, stress and fatigue. Had slight fever just now, but now it subsided. My body is stubborn like me, it keeps holding back, and refuses to give up.
No matter how my result in my exam will turn out, I shall not give up on myself, I just want to put in the best I can now. It really is tiring and draining, to put in so much energy into the exams, when I am fully aware, I havent built the bric
ks properly at the beginning.
I have another semester to go after this episode, that will be a direction I set for myself, to apply whatever I have learnt early this year. After all the tumbles, the lost in direction, i've learnt the beauty of consistency. May I apply it the next semester, let the new semester mark a fresh start for me, in my life. Or rather let this holidays be the beginning of a fresh start.
Love, something that I yearn for deep down from the b
ottom of my heart. Only when you only have a few people in your life whom you can really connect with, then will you appreciate their existence in your life. The true friend that I ever had is, Jie. Lama is my holy spiritual father, also a spiritual friend, however I cant expect my guru to hang on the phone with me, and laugh and spend so much time together for company.
I never fail to enjoy company with Jie. We always being very 38, always discussing about different possibilities in life, sharing our insights, feelings. Constantly talking about Dharma, guys, Dharma, Guys and Dharma. It is very fulfilling to have a good sister to discuss about life, death and happiness, how happiness can be shared with others. I
t is truly a friendship that is one of a kind, that I believe, I can never find any sister like jie whom shares this sense of humour and light hearted attitude towards life.
I cherish every moment we hang out together, knowing that life itself is transient. Things changes, especially good things don't always come back the same way twice.
My friends in my life are very important to me, like my family and more so like Dharma. I may have only one friend that is very close to my heart, but I feel happy. I don't see the need to have many friends whom we can only connect with on the surface. Of course, the more friends the merrier, to have genuine connection, care and concern for each
other. But in my life, under my conditions, it seem really hard to come by.
I am grateful , happy and feel warm in the heart to know that at least, there is someone in this world whom I can connect with without putting on a facade.
Dear Lama, I miss you. I may not be able to show you results with flying colours right now, but I do learn alot from the early part of this year up till now, that I want to apply in the next semester. I am sorry. I am also sorry to my parents, whom have raised me up and spent so much money on me, all for my sake, for me to have a bright future and a better life.
Lama, thank you for caring for me from the bottom of your heart. I may not have opportunity to open up to you in person, let me start here, to feel and build a connection between me and my Guru. The feelings that I experienced these few years, really cannot be described with words, one can only feel it if they encounter similar experiences. Meeting my guru has changed my life, shaped my mind constantly, through series of events and challenges that are placed upon me.
I thank Mother Tara, for always answering to my prayers, and connecting with my heart :)
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Living, Breathing, Feeling...
Yesterday I had a great time doing all that I that I wanted. All that i wanted was to be able to follow my heart, and do what my heart desires at that very point in time, and I was glad I fulfilled it. I rarely get the chance to do what I really want to, at that very moment in time.
Did very long prayers, prostrations, dedications, meditation and chakra clearing... All that I wasnt able to do because Im always tied down by one thing or another. Finally... it feels so good, and addictive to be able to do so. =) I looked fresh today, felt happy.
Met Jie for dinner today, we sampat hahaha. As usual, topic will always revolve around dharma in our lives. Its interesting how we are able to do so and never get tired about discussing it all the time. Jie and I are great sisters, because we seem to share the same sentiments, even though his wisdom is far beyond his age, and mine is lagging far behind due to the consequence of inexperience in my practice, there is just this special bond between us, that says family-like sisterhood.
I truly appreciate from the bottom of my heart, that this person has picked me up from my mess during the lowest peak in my life, when I was always alone. Thank you for helping me pick myself up, helping me start off in my practice, till the way I am now. Even though not ready and independent yet, I still do rely on you on many things, when it comes to making decisions, feeling, how things may be, you helped me to be back on track, on this path that became part of me.
You whom is the most worthy person, that I am able to call, a Friend, a Sister. This term "Friend" is often overly used and taken lightly by many, means alot to me, someone who values sincerity, honesty and loyalty in a Friend, that i call the person my Friend. You are definitely more than my Friend, you are like my Sister. Like a family that has known me my whole life. I Thank You from the bottom of my heart, for being in my life, for always being there for me.
Of course the 1st best thing that ever happened in my life is, Lama. I bet, Lama brought this sister to me, so I wont sink into depression. HAHAHA :) Lama's Love and kindness, can only be felt, its indescripable in words. Next would be Green wise lady and Sandals =)
Green wise lady, is ever compassionate, gorgeous and loving, she made sure im always on my toes, and give me tests to make me grow up to become a stronger and wiser person. Green wise lady is always looking over me with her loving compassion towards me and other beings. Sandals, share alot of similar traits likened to me. Shes always there for me, when im in need of help or in danger she protects me, when im down, she holds on to my hand, when my back aches, she removes the pain.
My parents, grandparents and siblings and koffi and mitsy loves me too... <3
Actually, valval is well-loved. Lama and shiniang loves me too =)
Thank you all, for Loving me. Someone so small, so unimportant and so troublesome... thank you
