Profile .
My name is Valerie Lin Yaozhen, Namdrol Khandro
guess my age..
I sing, draw, doodle, dream, and feel most of the time
I enjoy being very laid back, and i love cloudy and windy weather, with a little rain
Dharma is my life
I would love to be with someone that is meant for me
I wish and pray for everlasting happiness for myself and others
Profile .
My name is Valerie Lin Yaozhen, Namdrol Khandro
guess my age..
I sing, draw, doodle, dream, and feel most of the time
I enjoy being very laid back, and i love cloudy and windy weather, with a little rain
Dharma is my life
I would love to be with someone that is meant for me
I wish and pray for everlasting happiness for myself and others
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Tuesday, February 28, 2012
The full circle
In Chinese, we call the "full circle" 圆满。
I feel a sense of completeness and peace within me.
Because, everything has come to a closure, and have come to an end, and things just move on to a new chapter without any effort being made.
During Lama's Birthday, the ghost within me has confessed, confronted me and apologized.
I appreciate and am grateful to her for her courage to raise the matter up and to apologize to me. It takes courage to do so.
I felt it was lama's blessings, that this miracle happened, i thought it will never happen in this life, but it just happened unexpectedly, i was just very calm and composed throughout the whole night, maybe my heart turned into stone :p
People who came into my life for a visit, like my grand uncle whom has came back to visit us after 20 years in Australia, has went back just last night.
HuiHui whom has came back on Vacation break, will be going back to her studies on Thursday morning.
People has moved on, things also moved on.
All the task on hand, basic theory test, singing during uncle's wedding, Dharma junior, recording a track, dinner appointments, lunch appointments, celebrating my 21st birthday, 2 workshops for BLS Youths, recce for DJ outings, and many other things i cannot remember, there were too many things i have done within the last 3 weeks!
I rejoice in the successful completion of all meaningful works! its now time for me to reflect upon things that happened and time to rest and hibernate for awhile before i become active again,
I want to and will continue to strive and do an even better job :) I hope this will be a very good reason to make my guru stay with us and have long and stable lives!
Thank you Lama, Buddha, and all the deities whom watched over me and gave me your blessings.
Monday, February 20, 2012
The feeling that never moved on
Ever felt like you could forgive someone whom hurt you and kept quiet about it, knowing the impact that she can leave in your heart?
She can still look at you smile, and speak to you like nothing has ever happened?
This happened long time ago when i knew she was with my partner, secretly. And i got to know the fact that they were together only after 4 months when their relationship ended.
Spoke to her like my closest friend, shared with her my feelings and sadness, and she never once told me the truth despite having so many of these opportunities.
Never once did she have the courage to tell me or speak to me or even explained to me what was going on.
But i forgave both him and her. Even if i have forgiven her, it is not possible to have any trust in the same person who took your trust for granted.
Now, having to work with her, could be almost impossible for others, but i took on this challenge, because we are doing dharma work together, to benefit children.
we have to conduct classes together every week. because i really do forgive her, even though she never had the guts to say sorry, nor to confront me about this.
but the situation has come to a point of forcing myself to confront my fears and the burdens of my past that i have problems working with her because i never am able to trust her.
i feel like she is a sense of threat to me, in the aspect of work, because i feel like if she could do something so terrible to me emotionally, she can also do the same now.
its my bad im picking on the things she says or the comments she give though they may look like its constructive and relevant to make things and lessons better. there is a ghost in me.
it is mental suffering and emotional suffering, i am just compromising with myself, and compromising my feelings even if it do hurt me, to work with her to do something positive.
but im not sure if my heart is wide enough to carry on with this, because i feel like ive already lost because there is this ghost in my heart about her.
Friday, February 17, 2012
2012
This picture makes me break into a smile :) seeing how happy and playful this little monk is, got this picture from Google!
Rejoice! Its 2012 now! Its February 16th, have not blogged in a long long time...
So much has happened since last year, too many to list, but there were some highlights to share :)
So Happy to Welcome 2012, fresh starts are always exciting, am really happy spending time with my family, and helping out with spring cleaning,
Then we welcomed Chinese New Year, very happy to be able to pay respects to Lama, Sangyumla and with all temple members. Very happy and contented to pay respects to all my family members during Chinese new year.
Am also very honored to be able to help Kunsang Dorjie Rinpoche with his album by singing a track, i pray for him to have Excellent Health and a Fruitful retreat, May he come back to Singapore after his retreat and often come back to Singapore during his break, to visit his students, i am very sure they will miss him dearly.
It feels just like how i miss Lama Thubten Namdrol Dorje whenever he is away for a short period of time.
But for Kunsang Dorjie Rinpoche's students, they will not see him for 10 long years.
On the 11th of February, i celebrated my 21st Birthday, with many of the people that have been in my life, and also those that i have not met in years, am very grateful and appreciative of all these people's presence :)
Sadly, i was not able to invite my guru lama to my birthday because i am involved in Lama's long life puja as one of the "Dakinis" during the Puja, so it represents in-auspiciousness to have any contact with the Guru before the long life puja takes place.
Am really happy to see Kunsang Dorjie Rinpoche coming at night after the party almost ended! we all had a good time chatting and laughing :)
This is one of the most happening birthday i have in my 21 years of life, grateful and appreciate each and every single one of my family and friends who made me feel this way, Happy and Contented :)
It has been a wonderful experience for me so far, be it Funny, Bitter, Sad, Happy or just smiling from the heart, many lessons learnt.
I am a happy person, because i am grateful for every wonderful things that happened to me. I am truly very blessed in many ways, and i always bear that in mind.
Thank you Lama, and all Buddhas and Bodhisattva for watching over me, and for your Blessings and guidance :)
Can't help but notice how cute Phuntsok Rinpoche looks sitting beside those irresistibly cute bunnies!!! They look like bedroom slippers!!!! soooo cute!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Anyway, i feel a sudden sad emotion arising, when i viewed pictures of someone that no longer exists in my life, even though this person may still be alive.
i feel sadness and fear in my heart, feels really dark and gloomy, but looking at this person and knowing all is well, i need to give myself time for closure :)
I rejoice that this person is happy with life and with the people around. I also rejoice that i am leading a happy and fulfilling life of my own, with my beloved Guru and Sangyumla, my partner and my family members and friends, also having the affinity to meet the Lamas, really are my blessings :)
I should smile and feel happy :)
At this moment, i let go of all negative thoughts! OM AH HUNG!
Here's Wishing and Praying for all Gurus, Lineage Gurus and Sangyumlas, Excellent Health, Long and Stable Life, and All their wishes spontaneously fulfilled! OM AH HUNG!
Namdrol Khandro Valerie Lin Yaozhen.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
val needs a break down today... feel so tired and empty...
my heart feels so cringy
depend on yourself for happiness, never rely on anyone else for happiness.
one of the very emotional days im going through, its been so long since i felt this way.
impermanence indeed.
Thursday, November 03, 2011
i need to rest
I fell sick, and im Exhausted..
i feel so tired from all the late nights, and my new work that requires total concentration and its tedious.
will adjust to these changes, but my body needs a little more time than my mind does.
my dear Sangyumla told me, a fresh start is exciting, don't you feel happy? her words instantly
lit me up and give me some confidence about the unknown future. That's the magic of her
kindness and wisdom. I want to become a woman just like her.
As i grow up, i realise it's not easy to be bubbly and happy-go-lucky when you become an adult,
now i know why i often draw people's attention when i was younger, because of my bubbly and
happy nature that most adults appreciate, because deep down, they want that for themselves.
A bubbly and happy-go-lucky attitude towards life, because the feeling of being weighed down
by every responsibility in life is too much to take.
But my question is, Why not a Bubbly and Happy-go-Lucky attitude towards life?
Because we are all going to die anyway.
Why not a Bubby and Happy-go-Lucky attitude? Life shouldn't be a chore, it should be lived
to the fullest.
Saturday, October 01, 2011
Dear Lama...
Dear lama...
i feel so tired trying so hard, im doing what i can to live my life well. doing what i can so i can make the best out of my life.
why is it that when i open my heart to people that i trust, then i realise they can't feel for my situation, and never understands, but i always try to feel for them to understand how they feel. i feel helpless sometimes, because i never know who else other than you that never fails to feel for us. you understood me and i can feel it.
i always know that you will never foresake me no matter how unworthy as a person i am, or how lousy i may be, i really do feel, like a lousy person, because ive not gotten anything done right, even though when i feel that im doing my best at that moment, but it never turn out or appear to be okay.
making my life the best out of it, may not be best to people who can tell me otherwise, but i already did what i can, and i don't know what more i can put in. i know i should not be bothered about what others think, but i feel that its very discouraging when im already taking action to make my life more positive but no matter what you do or what decisions you make, you can feel that they are never happy with it.
it saddens me more when my partner is totally oblivious.... even when you share with him how you feel, he just keeps quiet or not reply your text, when you open your heart to him....
it feels just like another anton, that ignores my msges, because he doesn't know what to say, or how to comfort me, or cannot be bothered. it fears me, to go through the same painful times again.
Lama Chenno, Lama Chenno, Drinchen Tsawai, Lama Chenno...
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Take Charge of your own life
May my kind and compassionate Guru and Buddha's teachings, be my guiding path and light to walk me through while i am beginning to take charge of my life.
I don't feel so fearful of the unknown like 3 years ago, but i definitely feel the weight on me. The weight of responsibility for myself and the things i wish to fulfill in the future that will come very soon.
Perhaps through different experiences that my life has to offer over the past three years, it taught me how to work with the subject of my fears.
its just like, the only way to not be fearful of handling hot water, is to be scalded by it first.
im grateful for all the experiences and lessons that i have gone through in life, to shape me into what i am today, at least grown from the time where i've just begun.
These conditions and situations that i get to experience only happened because i met my Guru and the Dharma. Without Dharma in my life, myself and my life would have taken a very different turn.
I'm grateful, and fortunate to have experienced my life with Dharma that was being taught to me.
Dear lama...
May my kind and compassionate Guru and Buddha's teachings, be my guiding path and light to walk me through while i am beginning to take charge of my life.